They're special. Much to the disagreement of my vertigo they favour me more than vehicles of an aero dynamic persuasion.
The female voice in the elevator is the best part of the whole experience. Her comforting pre-recorded voice is both courteous and welcoming - "Floor 1", "Floor 2" and so on - It fills me with a kind of orgasmic glee. Her tone was not dissimilar to that of your partner after a long term relationship- words mean nothing. Monotonous sounds - in one ear and out the other.
The whole experience was rather similar to that stage of a long term relationship. Minus the 'orgasmic glee' part.
As the elevator does down I ponder upon a question, what else is similar to relationships?
"Hey there." A familiar female voice says, "It had to happen didn't it?"
It was the accountant - as she entered the lift. Surprised, I mumble back..."Hey."
I hadn't spoken to her since the meeting aka date we shared. She was right though it was bound to happen at some point. She worked in the same building as my agent. The only mystery was what she was doing on the third floor - as she worked on the ground floor. "I guess this could be quite awkward if there was than 2 more floors till the ground floor."
Still rather shocked and, more than anything, embarrassed about not contacting her since the meeting aka date I reply with another mumble...
"Yeah. I guess."
Deafening silence fills the elevator. It feels comparable to entering the black hole. Not that I have. But my imagination runs wild at times.
We both look away from each other. The voice of the elevator lady becomes inaudible flooded by the sound of the elephant in the elevator. For the briefest of seconds I turn and look at her. She was just as beautiful as the first time I saw her – me exiting the women’s toilets. Why didn't I contact her AT ALL after our meeting aka date? I turn away contemplating the answer to this.
“GROUND FLOOR” the female elevator says in her loudest voice.
"Well bye. Nice seeing you again." The accountant says in her smiley way.
I instinctively walk in front of her and push the button for floor FOUR. Whilst managing to block her exit.
"Let's talk." I plead.
She chuckles, "What? On the lift?"
"Yeah why not?"
She laughs, "Yeah why not!"
The doors shut and the female elevator heads back up.
A silence again.
I don't know how to begin.
"This is romantic." She quips.
"Yeah. It’s not my most celebrated moment, I must say."
"To top the moments spent not contacting me?"
I laugh nervously.
"Yeah. Kinda."
"You gonna give me a contrived excuse for not contacting me? Cat died?"
"Don't have a cat."
"Dog had to visit a vet?"
"No dog."
"Had to write a new book about useless men? An autobiographical kind of thing?" She said, on the verge of bitterness.
I laugh with nervousness again then open my to speak, she interrupts.
"Don't worry I already know."
"You do?"
"Yup something to do with an ex or some girl you like or something."
"A little."
"I spoke to your agent last week to find out if you were still alive."
"Ahhh..."
"He told about some girl...your ex?"
"No. Actually she was more of a muse. Or more like..."
"Someone you wanted and had history with?"
"Yes. But more than that. You know in life, when you really want something and you reach out for it and it seems close and you reach out more and more and it seems closer but in actuality it’s further and further?"
"Yeah..."
"That was her. And I know that's no excuse for how I treated you but...well there's no but..."
She smiles. "We all have moments of weakness.”
I correct her, "Stupidity.".
"That too."
“FLOOR FOUR” says the elevator.
"Back down to ground floor I guess?" She asks, already knowing the answer.
She presses the ground floor button.
"So am I forgiven?" I ask as the elevator goes down.
"Shall I forgive you? That's a question. I'll have to consult my calculator and equations to answer that."
"Ahhh, I get that joke. Cos of the whole you being an accountant thing right?"
"Indeed. You’re a quick one. I'll have to keep an eye on you."
We both laugh followed by brief warm glance at each other and then turn away.
“GROUND FLOOR” our talking lift informs us.
"Take care of yourself." She says exiting the lift.
"You too." I reply, still in the lift.
She waves a cute wave and slowly begins walking away. I mimic her wave - she laughs her even cuter laugh - just then the elevator door closes. I try to stop it - to no avail. All I get is a glimpse of her grinning at my predicament.
I guess it’s back to the floor four with my loving female elevator.
My longest relationship ever.
superb - this is brilliant! thank you
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